{"id":7259,"date":"2021-03-07T15:34:55","date_gmt":"2021-03-07T15:34:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.reggiemorrisey.com\/?p=7259"},"modified":"2021-03-07T16:41:29","modified_gmt":"2021-03-07T16:41:29","slug":"odds-and-ends","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.reggiemorrisey.com\/?p=7259","title":{"rendered":"Odds and Ends"},"content":{"rendered":"

Since I posted my first blog in March 2015, life has been odd. Insert your descriptor to mark 2021's End of an Error. (Pun intended.)<\/p>\n

Today, I find it easier to relax my guard long enough to joke and laugh; this as the Biden-Harris Administration vaccinates America and<\/em> advances economic relief for the nation's nightmare and<\/em> sets the world on its axis anew. Fortunately, I discovered the quips of a gent on Twitter whose handle is DOC and daytime modus operandi is posting clean humor suitable for all ages.<\/p>\n

As the Luck of the Irish Would Have It<\/h5>\n

Some weekends ago, I started launching sneak pun attacks on my dearly missed, faraway grandchildren; a grandson soon to be 15 and a granddaughter soon to be 13. By way of warning, my pun texts begin with, \"Yo.\" Many qualify as groaners, the likes of which my father lobbed my way when I was young. With his play on words, he taught me to think twice and love language.<\/p>\n

My selection of DOC puns vary by category: Questions and Answers, Facts and Overheard comments. My granddaughter got into the swing of things and returns text volleys. Given a year confined to online learning and few outings with friends, I hope even a moment laughing distracts. You can experiment for yourself to see if it does. <\/p>\n

Note<\/strong>: My late brother Ed inherited the Morrisey humor gene. I dedicate this blog to him.  <\/p>\n

Yo: Questions and Answers <\/h5>\n

Question: What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?
\nAnswer: I don't know and I don't care.<\/p>\n

Question: What do you call a hen who counts her own eggs?
\nAnswer: A mathemachicken.<\/p>\n

Question: Which knight invented the Round Table? 
\nAnswer: Sir Cumference.<\/p>\n

Question: What bird never knows the lyrics to a song?
\nAnswer: A hummingbird.<\/p>\n

Question: What do you call a line of men outside a shop waiting to have a haircut and shave?
\nAnswer: A barber queue.<\/p>\n

Question: What\u2019s the tallest building in every town.
\nAnswer: The library - it\u2019s got the most stories.<\/p>\n

Question: What did one tectonic plate say when he bumped into another tectonic plate?
\nAnswer: Sorry, my fault.<\/p>\n

Question: What lies on the ground 100 feet in the air?
\nAnswer: A dead centipede.<\/p>\n

Question: Why wouldn\u2019t the shrimp share his treasure?
\nAnswer: Because he was a little shellfish.<\/p>\n

Question: What did Adam say to Eve on the 23rd December?  
\nAnswer: It's Christmas Eve Eve, Eve.<\/p>\n

Question: Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
\nAnswer: He couldn\u2019t see himself doing it.<\/p>\n

Question: Why can\u2019t humans hear a dog whistle?
\nAnswer: Because dogs can\u2019t whistle.<\/p>\n

Question waiting  to be answered: If money doesn\u2019t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?<\/p>\n

Yo: Facts<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Fact: I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought, well this changes everything.<\/p>\n

Fact: When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you are<\/em> a vacuum cleaner.<\/p>\n

Fact: Two artists had a fight. It ended in a draw.<\/p>\n

Fact: A man was found guilty of overusing commas. The judge warned him to expect a really long sentence.<\/p>\n

Fact: Starting your own garden is easy, but picking all of the vegetables? That\u2019s the harvest part.<\/p>\n

Fact: Ever try to eat a clock? It's time consuming.<\/p>\n

Fact: It was hard getting over my addiction to the hokey pokey, but I\u2019ve turned myself around.<\/p>\n

Fact: A guy was getting hit by the same bicycle every day, day after day ... It was a vicious cycle.<\/p>\n

Fact: Did you know that technically the overall goal of golf ... is to play less golf.<\/p>\n

Fact: A ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint. Both crews ended up marooned.<\/p>\n

Fact: I have a pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words too.<\/p>\n

Fact: I ate a clown fish yesterday. It tasted funny.<\/p>\n

Fact: I couldn\u2019t understand why I saw corn every time I turned around. Then I realized it was stalking me!<\/p>\n

Fact: When I was little my mom used to feed me alphabet soup, claiming I loved it. I didn\u2019t really, she was just putting words in my mouth.<\/p>\n

Yo: Overheard<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Overheard: They laughed when I told them one day I would discover the secrets of invisibility. If they could see me now.<\/p>\n

Overheard: In an effort to bridge the cultural gap with Hispanic friends, I\u2019ve been saying muchos recently. It means a lot to them.<\/p>\n

Overheard: I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like 0mg!<\/p>\n

Overhead: Want to buy a broken barometer? No pressure.<\/p>\n

Overheard: I dropped my phone in the bath. Now it's syncing.<\/p>\n

Overheard: My friend and I started a business where we weigh tiny objects. It\u2019s a small-scale operation.<\/p>\n

Overheard: Cop: I\u2019m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia. Man: Wait! I can explain everything!<\/p>\n

Overheard: Shout out to anyone who doesn\u2019t know what the opposite of in is.<\/p>\n

Overheard: Philosopher asked, \"I wonder if Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.\"<\/p>\n

Overheard: I needed a password eight characters long. So I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.<\/p>\n

Overheard: If I had to rate our solar system, I\u2019d give it one star.<\/p>\n

Overheard: My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience. The second time let me down.<\/p>\n

Overheard: At my last job interview, I was asked what my greatest weakness was. I said, Honesty. The interviewer said. I don\u2019t think honesty is a weakness. I replied, I don\u2019t care what you think.<\/p>\n

Okay, I'll Stop - Sort of<\/strong><\/h5>\n

After catching your breath from chuckles and groans, consider advancing to these activities:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

View my Gallery of Ed Morrisey Art<\/a><\/p>\n

Listen to poems I wrote:<\/p>\n

Knowledge I Stumbled Upon<\/a><\/p>\n

The Ides of March<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/h5>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/h5>\n
Happy Ends<\/h5>\n

Happy spring!<\/p>\n

Happy shots in arms!<\/p>\n

Happy St. Patrick's Day!<\/p>\n

Pharrell William's Happy<\/a>!<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>

\"\"<\/a>

Laughing Cat by Ed Morrisey<\/p><\/div><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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